Lights Will Guide You Home.

It’s been a long time; my heart barely knows what spring means.  Winter lasted so long this time. I tried my best to end it, wanted a shore, a sun and someone beside me healing my shattered heart with tenderness. But winter lasted so long…

Winters don’t stay long; they are visitors, normally, yes! I remember they once described them as visitors, sadly they weren’t. They were more as illness that loves sticking around you, and it never left me.

Cloudy cloudy, it was always cloudy, rain tried to wash the heart, but snow kept on pouring and covered everything, even the street lights weren’t reflected into something real, they were directed to an empty space, and I was lost there fascinated about those fake lights, with people having the same soul, alike faces and different names.

I kept on crying and no one ever noticed. Maybe because I love to cry outdoor under the clouds and they thought it’s only the rain drops on my face, they are so complicated to understand! I cried alone under the rainy clouds with the moon shining once and disappearing behind the clouds twice everyday for years.

I thought my heart wasn’t meant to see a spring, started believing that love wasn’t existed for me, I loved pushing everyone away from me, I made myself believe that. I kept on saying: I don’t need anyone, I’m not that kind of people who love to be attached to anyone anyhow, I just kept saying that, and maybe that’s why spring never came, and my tears never knew any one but me to wipe them away.

Life isn’t always sunny where the sun rises, it’s not always a forest where the river is, it’s not always sleeping when the night falls, and they are not always rain drops on people’s faces.

Lights aren’t stable; they move sometimes, they light a spot upon someone for you to notice. Immediately you are there, a spell takes over.

Everyday is a feast, shiny lights over the world, heart is lit and I’m feeling much, I’m feeling, after all I felt much! I kneel praying, it came! I’ll take this chance, I’ll live it, I’ll be selfish for a while and ignore all the signs and thoughts I had about leaving, I’ll just stay, it’s a feeling, lights weren’t lit for waste  and you haven’t came for nothing. I’ll stay, I’ll stay.

Gasps increase even when sitting, thinking never gave me a break, this feeling is a loud voice in an empty room.

I pray, I pray I would find an answer, a solution! Great GOD show me something, give me a sign, I’ll follow it, tell me what to do and I’ll do it, I promise you I’ll do it, just show me something, show me something.

Not everyone we desire walks on feet, they sometimes have got wings, they fly. We often see things in deep, we don’t look at someone but we look through them, what their eyes say, what they reflect, the person hiding inside, we see that once the light is there, it’s beautiful!

Lights will guide the heart where home is, I chose to stay in my spot doing nothing, I’ll wait an answer, I hope it comes quick, I’m afraid, this spot light is getting bigger and my heart is so small to be noticed in it. I’ll wait for an answer, and whether someone came or not, I hope I’ll be there where that shore is, and I’ll be happy with a soft wave listening to me under a shiny Sun. 

The Land of the Great Phoenix

We have been there, the land of the great phoenix…

We have been there, once, twice and even more than numbers can count...

It’s beyond rainbows and the clouds, beyond earth and the stars, and it has a great phoenix, the greatest phoenix of all lands.

 It’s beautiful and clean, magical and full of colors... Fixes those who are broken, heals those who are suffering, loves who are hated, and gives those who ask…

It lights your road with shiny lights, gives you signs to follow, and opens your eyes to new directions and chances! Guides you where you want to be, and gives you enough hope and strength to reach what you deserve.

“Land of dreams”, they call it, we belong there, we know it, we have been there, we feel it, and we live there, for a while, while dreaming, and that’s the 24 hours of the day.

Our dreams are shattered sometimes, our hearts are a one pole of a Magnet most of the times, we do yell and fight, we do weep and cry, we fall apart and we drifted at some points from the path we are in. then the sun shined upon us, we had few days, we welcomed feelings, laughed much and cried less. but we don't care anymore, the owner of our land is a Phoenix, and a Phoenix is a bird that was reborn from its ashes, we won't care, not today, not tomorrow. our memories are immortal, they'll always be saved in a castle room with a charming princess in the hidden land where we belong, the land of the great Phoenix. 

 

Silence.

                                    

I heard you singing my name, in a Blue sky you exist; in skies you sang my name…

I heard you crying my name, in an exile you exist; in an exile you cried my name…

I heard you screaming my name, in darkness you exist; in darkness you screamed my name…

Gone far the distance, through the dark tunnels, across the wild forests, deep onto seas, between giant mountains where everything is silent, Gone, Gone where there's no one, where there's no tongs, where words aren't tidy, where languages are complicated to be spoken…

But you're still here, in everything; everywhere, singing once, crying twice and screaming more often…

Silence silence, where's the place where I can rest my thoughts, take my sins away and pull me deep, deep the complications of your emptiness, take me into a space where I can hear no one talking, where action is holy and talking is a sin…

Oceans, you have eyes to see, heart to cry, hands to hold and emptiness to hide... take me in, move your hands toward the beach and take me in, take me in, embrace me with your heart, touch my soul with your kindness and take me under, under is peace, under is where the loud world above is reflected into silence, everything means something, it's all actions, no big mouths, no moving tongs, sealed lips and silence.

I'm light enough to be carried, pure enough to be kissed, happy enough to be loved and alive enough to not hear your songs, cries and screams.

Now I'll live forever, forever won't be over, forever will be a sweet space of silence where all actions are done thousands miles down under a killing pressure with silence.

It Gives & Takes...

On rooftops, when it's cloudy, I scream, when it's cloudy I scream.

I scream when it's cloudy hoping that one cloud could embrace my heart and fly me away from earth, away from my body.

On rooftops when it's sunny, I scream, when it's Sunny I scream.

I scream when it's Sunny wishing a warm sun ray to go through me and light the dark corners in my soul.

On rooftops, when it's rainy, I scream, when it's rainy I scream.

I scream when it's rainy thinking rain could wash away the past that's burning inside of me…

I dream, I dream of a Sunny world, numerous numbers of clouds, and endless rain, endless pouring rain.

That's only a dream; I can't have it all! Why? You're asking me why? Simple: it gives and takes, Life gives and takes.

Cover my smile, kill my ambitions, poison my dreams, I'll scream: it gives and takes.

Destroy my memories, burn my home, hide my Sun, I'll scream: it gives and takes.

Pull me back, bring me down, lock me thoughts, I'll scream: it gives and takes.

No lights, the world is falling apart, no forgiveness nor even truth, I'll scream: it gives and takes.

Loneliness, complains and cries, anger and missing, I'll scream: It gives and takes.

Sun rises when the moon hides, I'll scream: it gives and takes…

Happiness shows up when we had enough pain, I'll scream: it gives and takes…

Loneliness might stay for a while, but friends stay forever, I'll scream: it gives and takes…

Tears of sadness reach your lips to water a smile, I'll scream: it gives and takes…

When it's over, it's a start, I'll scream: it gives and takes, it gives and takes…

I'll move on alone, I'll never walk with a mindless crowd, won't dream with a broken heart, won't scream for nothing! I'll move on with my head high and big dreams, I'll move on not afraid from losing because it gives and takes, life gives and takes.

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